Thoughts of Mine

It's funny how you can twist my insides, from the outside where you stay
I never let you in and somehow from within you still manage to put me out
I'll run away and still run into the thought of you with thoughts of mine
The only sense I've ever known exists solely in our steady confusion

Picture Frame

Not much can be said about the thoughts in my head
Counting down the days until I forget this place
What matters all shatters with your picture frame
I'll wake up tomorrow no tears left to borrow

Stars

Life needs no reason or purpose
No book of secrets I'll purchase
To find the light of this night
I just need you in my life

There's no hidden path to happiness
There's no bridge to cross or path to miss
In your eyes I've found direction
And in your arms I satisfy my obsession

No bard's song, no traveling tale
Can tell your story in enough detail
As complex as I know you are
Your beauty is as limitless as the stars

The Memory

I imagine her safe in her bed

Next to the man who never pleads or pegs

To share the time she so easily provides

And share the look so deep in her eyes

I leave her no messages

That say how much I want to give

Everything so deep inside

Just to be the one she dreams inside her mind

Left behind, passed by

But it's not the end of the line

I'll watch her as she passes by

Cuz she's the memory, never left behind

Cold Night

A wisp of your breath, warm on this cold night
Embraces me, a cloud of white against the dark
Forever here, I stand just to hear your voice
And watch your words as they drift off with the wind
The silence is an answer that satisfies
...Content in your eyes, the light shines

The Toad

"Is it possible that no one sees me?"

Said the toad in his hollow home.

"Could it be that no one needs me?"

He thought, while sitting on his own.

So he traveled far, and farther still,

Until the day was over and the night had lost it's thrill.

No place he was happy in, so he wandered lonely,

Until he hopped his last hop, and thought, "If only...

I was not a toad, but maybe something better. Maybe someone and not just

something."

And from that day on, he was a great deal less lonely.

Because he changed what really mattered...and it all started from within.

Smile

I need a weekend away from the smile on your face

As soon as you're gone I know I'll be strong

I can't see you much clearer, but still you come nearer

I'm tired of falling, for you now I'm crawling

Just another day, breaking me with that smile on your face

Wasting Your Time

If I could I'd run from this maddened mind
Leave insecurity and regret far behind
Forget the people I thought I once knew
Get lost in a foreign land and start anew

And if I thought of your beautiful eyes
I might question if it was all just lies
Were they looking at me or looking through me?
Green or blue, and why does it matter to me?

I hope to forget and fall from regret
To a place sincerity and clarity are not just a pipe dream
Follow these fleeting feelings, for all the wrong reasons
And you'll find yourself in my mind, wasting your time

Friend

How easy life would be if there were no memories
No sweet sensation, no haunting deprivation
A numb and tasteless wonder, would always take us under
And we would wake without the tears, oblivious to all the years

I'd meet you anew everyday to learn your new name
The butterflies would flutter, and nervous I would mutter
How I felt like we'd met before, on a far away shore
And you'd smile and laugh again, once more you'd be a friend

My Toys

With a death grip this boy holds the ones he loves
Keeping them close to smother their sorrow
He stares at their bruised bodies with blind eyes
Imagining a smile but they bleed all the while

No rest they receive from his relentless attention
Their joints worn and colors faded, begging to be let go
But the voices are stifled as he pulls them in tighter
His games never ending, their bodies he's bending

Until they snap

Theater Scene

The waiting, the faking
I don't want to feel this anymore
The lies we tell to just get by
This theater scene we act

I say I don't, you say you can't
There's no meaning anymore
If the days to come were already gone
I'd keep running and never stop

Back and Forth

Wants only to not want to tell you,
How hard it is not to so easily feel
The way I do, they way I shouldn't
For how you are, how I wish you weren't

Infatuate

Wishing to infatuate, completely saturate
Your life with this love
Make your heart race and replace
All your doubt with this heart's answer
Infect your mind like a gentle cancer
That makes you smile all the while
Content in this, completely foolish bliss

How You Felt

Have you sat down to pass the time,
And thought of one who makes you smile?
Do you remember those lips so fondly,
And how he held you speechless, when there was so much to say?

Do you think he thinks like you do?
Could he still feel how you felt,
In his arms so close and safe?
For a moment, for a lifetime.

When the day is long and the past is so short
When it hurts with every beat of your heart
I think he remembers your beautiful smile
I think he still feels how you felt

Meaning

These phrases fabricate the mazes
Riddled with different faces
What holds the love in your heart?
These words aren't meant for you

So solitary, so singled out
Your eyes close and it all begins to disappear
The words and their meaning drift away from you
Dream of another, with a love of your own

All these tears are so true to you
These twisted words, the pain they just can't undo
Falling for you while you're falling from me
They're just words, with a different meaning

Remembering

This idea, crawling in and taking shape
A lie is my comfort, you're a world away
From me, and the past that won't let go
What has a hold on this mind, and infects these dreams

Bringing so much joy, leaving only want for more
This heartache is not heartbreak
A vision to see, you need only close your eyes
It's a past that won't let go

Special

Have I told you lately how special you are?
The way you are defines the way I feel
Have I said too much, entranced by you?
I can't apologize when I love you so much

I may be too direct, I know it's hard to accept
But when you cross my mind it's so sublime
You've caught my heart so easily
I want you to clearly see

How high I see you
Just to be with you
The perfect ending to a lifetime
When I know you're mine

Motion

The gears are spinning
Forever in motion
No time for rest
Weary, but moving

A tired mind thinking ever on of nothing
Fruitless thoughts of absolutely everything
No peace instilled on this timeless venture
A beautiful dream, a simple pause

To sleep with you now
And still on these gears spin
Another conscious, a different setting
Forever in motion

Today

I am determined to make a positive influence on any and every situation I encounter, both personal and professional. This is my resolution for today and everyday in the future. No more negative outlook, no more taking the lazy way for mere self satisfaction. No more indifference to the people and problems in my life that should matter most. I will look to my family, friends, and most importantly God for guidance and help everyday.

Resound

Stricken by their meaning these words make you ill
As they resound in your mind, my voice cold and shrill
This all takes new meaning, this fire we're feeding
Fuel on the flame that burns our love down

When once I held you through the night
Now I chase you in the starlight
Running from the pain, every lie is the same
Don't fall victim to the symptom, our love will resound

Jealousy

Though your dreams take you away from me
Him alone you so eagerly seek to please
Your happiness comes to mind, your inner smile
And I'm at peace again, for a little while

My heart can't hurt if it's only happy for you
The farther you float from me, on your sea of prosperity
The more I smile to your relentless success
Your joy can't be my sorrow

Presence

What would you say, what would you do?
The one you loved was lost.
What temper would appear in your eyes?
What depression, what obsession would possess you?

No coarse skin, no old age could separate your love,
Not brittle bones, not silver hair,
When once fickle want of youth remained,
Now a simple and steady presence would complete you.

Trance

The smoke drifts as the light shifts
In this dark room bodies mingle and dance
A release from the dullness of life's mid-day trance
Find peace in the mutual sorrow of these souls

Fast asleep your mind finds time
To separate from the beating of the grind
As your eyes close, this life you chose
Drips away, from the bottom of a glass you lift today

You don't have time to miss, just dismiss
Any thought of the past, your life moves too fast
Maybe one day you'll have the time and the patience
To dream again, and remember that place

Perception

Left to sit on the edge she makes a choice
Wrong or right, at least one heart shatters
When true love can't wait the tears are quick to follow
An impossible answer, one she unwillingly makes

His selfish desire, his childish fire
For her heart he lingers, lonely and broken
To see her smile would be his token
To a moment of peace, his sorrow would cease

What he can't see, she can't speak
Clear enough to heal this foolish pain
His obsession, unruly and unfair
And her perception of him will never be the same

Constant

When the day can't get any longer
You stumble, weary from your tasks
I'll be your constant, a solid foundation
Never absent from your arms

Indifference

Sitting, sleeping, never rid of this consuming feeling
Lost the will to go on, lost what once belonged
In your heart and in your eye, sleepless nights you lay and cry
A final obsession takes complete possession of your sanity

You can fight this evil power, hour by hour
As the clock ticks and you sit, contemplating
Choose to take action, and have a reaction
To how she feels, and how you deal

End the call to indifference by trying to make sense
To the games and the claims that infect your mind
Let emotion and feeling take a knee to your choices
You can decide to subside the wrong in your ways

Your Song

The masses gather and soak up your swelling tide
They cheer and sway to your life and all it's emotion
Hold close the instrument that projects your years
Touch every heart open to your words

I believe your story says more than you know
The trials, the troubles, they mean so much to me
I know I'm there feeling every tear you've ever known
Laughing in the back seat, I see your green eyes shine

What dark secret lingers around the next bend?
What great mystery will we encounter next?
Your voice carries the song no one else can know
And yet we still all sing along

Angel

She spreads her wings to shelter me
When this weakness cripples my heart
The only beacon of white under a red sky
She holds me close to comfort

This lost angel wasted on me
She gives her all for selfless love
Exorcise these demons now
Release me and fall into my arms

This hand of love that daily saves me
She knows not of giving up
I won't be her sorrow, I won't be her pain
Her love reminds me once again of my wings

A Tribute to 1AS

At the end of the day I used to look forward to a late night jam
Once every other random day, to soothe my inner grief
I'd listen to the sound of those who could tell an amazing story
With fierce words and notes that lifted my sorrow
The faces of those who could never fall

As time goes on we long for change
Not admitting to those that mean the most
The last cry from freedom falls on bloodied ears
As those who would have fought, are left with no leader

With regret I realize my hopes are gone
Though the spirit will NEVER die
What once was there can always still be
The songs linger, within me

A gift of diamond

Pieced together, shards of a broken dream
A man of glass, shined once so bright in your eyes
Your reflection in him, is but distorted and broken

He is so proud in his hollow frame
He hopes only for you to stare
Bend and warp, until you see a perfect image

No rock could shatter, no stick could crack
This man of glass, impervious he stands to this world
What fear does he have then?

Only of what rests on your finger
The promise to another
It's shine more bright, it's banded beauty

A gift of diamond this glass man knew
It scratched his soul and chipped his heart
His surface left, forever changed

Certainty

With certainty I can say the thought of her has me weak
Her glances cast from afar have me defeated, completely
The power she holds in those eyes, matched only by her smile
What's to blame; my weak heart or her absolute grace?
I can guess until my mind is numb to all existence
But all I know is, she has me undivided and helpless in her stare

If there is wrong in being star struck, consider me wrongful
There is no regret when I find myself in her eyes
What's to forgive, when she's done nothing but complete me
I can't be bitter knowing what we were can only be surpassed by what we are

There is desire in my mind, to portray it is the problem
When she's everything so beautiful, how can my words compare?
I'm surrounded by her feeling, short of breath in the moment
I long for her, and her everything

Face

Face yourself, face your fears,
Face the pain, face the tears,
Face the problem, face the fight,
Face tomorrow, face the light.

Child

Sit with me, and listen for a while
You might hear the thoughts of a child
Who pretends to be a man
But there is no real plan

Sing with me, songs that take us away
Past the indifference and beyond the pain
We laugh again to nothing at all
I'll be here to break your fall

Wander

In the day it's on my mind

Fast asleep, not left behind

Joined with others, soft undertones

Left to linger, in my bones

Create a new world, on the inside

From you alone, I never can hide

When I wander, never too far

On my mind, always...you are

Shattering

I feel like shattering, the way you are,
I feel like taking, this all so far.
The way you're making me, breathe so hard,
Let's find an answer, and heal these scars.

Why's it my desire now,
To take my fear and pour it out?
Leave me broken and bleeding into you,
And make this feel, all so true.

After all this time,
Can't leave it all up to design.
I can't give up for subtleties,
This constantly, is killing me.

Darkness

I reach in for help, knowing all too well I am empty.
A barren wasteland of confusion and anger.
Reaching out only with tight fists.
I hurt the ones I love, and cause them to suffer.
I can't be the person I want to be.
These self imposed limits are killing me.
Without love, where is meaning?
I'm blind to truth, as I sit in darkness.

Hell

When my hands shake, when this world takes,

So much out of me, there's so much I can't see.

It perplexes me, the ease of honesty,

At which I can tell, of my living hell.

But when it matters most, to those I hold close,

It's never so clear, I fold to my own fear.

Harmony

I want to go on a vacation on a beach,
Far away from the people and the lies they preach,
Where we can walk for miles,
Share our time and our smiles.

Walk through the sand hand in hand,
Fall into your eyes, forget all the lies,
With you there's only harmony,
With you I find the best in me.

Dream

One day I may grow old
One day I may be less bold
But that one day is not quite here
So on this day, I have no fear

Time will take itself from me
The future holds nothing but uncertainty
What I have now is the dream of tomorrow
so I leave behind all my sorrow

Ink

I miss, missing you,
I hate faking through.
Every night, it's a battle I fight.
I have no direction, there is no light.
I want to feel like I can tell you how I feel.
I want to heal, if healing makes me real.
None of this can make sense,
Because it's all in the past tense.
When things are too hard and I can't let go,
I grab my pen and let the ink flow.

Lies

Why can't I embrace the ones that face me?
Why am I numb to everything that I see?
The reasons just aren't there.
I know I'm being unfair.

What will I lose before I realize,
I was blind and I bought into these lies?
I hope that it's not you.
There's nothing I won't do,
To keep this nightmare inside my head,
And keep us alive instead.

Giving

Ill happily be your ghost
Out of mind, out of frame
Out of time, without a name

The best part of living
Is dying for a purpose
The hardest part of giving
Is knowing that its worthless

Mirror

I glare through this window,
at the person who hurt me.
I shout at that lost soul,
and tell him he must leave.

But it's no surprise,
the window is a mirror.
And the person inside,
my words he can't hear.

What I say to him,
he says right back at me.
And what I see in him,
he sees the same in me.

The mirror shows all,
every fault and flaw.
And when I look inside,
it's impossible to hide.

Complacency

Fast asleep is how I want to be,
Sweet sensations flow past me,
Close my eyes and let the sun kiss me,
I wander into complacency.

Dreaming of you gets me through,
It's always a battle being so true,
But it's a war worth fighting for,
And you're a love worth so much more.

Breaking is not a choice I can make,
There is no shortcut I want to take,
When the road is jagged and no path is clear,
I'll hold tight to you, and forget my fear.

Toll

I'm not alone, if I keep your memory,
I'm so at home, with this discovery,
Falling never felt so perfect,
I'll take you with me on this last hit.

I have this crazy idea,
You and I could be a....
No, that's not quite right,
I don't want to start a fight.

It's all just memories,
It's all just inside of me,
I smile when I think this way,
It doesn't have to be OK.

When was the last time,
You could just open your mind,
And see the pure insanity,
Of this world, and the toll it takes on me?

Fight

It is so hard,
Not knowing how you are.
It is so frustrating,
Not knowing if you're tasting,
The bitter sweet memories,
Of how things used to be.

The smile on your face,
Seems to say it's all OK.
And maybe I'll sleep knowing,
These thoughts can stop growing,
In my restless head tonight
Maybe there's no cause to this fight

Barbarian

The barbarian in me says no tomorrow,
The demons I see want only pain and sorrow.
How can I resist this reality they twist?
How can I survive the look inside their eyes?

When my hands shake, when this world takes,
So much out of me, there's so much I can't see.
It perplexes me, the ease of honesty,
At which I can tell, of my living hell.

But when it matters most, to those I hold close,
It's never so clear, I fold to my own fear.

Forget

Her kiss tastes so sweet
This feeling in me can't be beat
Even though time isn't on my side
Her ship left with yesterday's tide

What feels so right to me today
What has me completely blown away
Can't be a feeling i entrust
Can't be a dream for which i lust

This poison I drink is reality
The lies I tell myself but I can't see
She says with time I'll get over it
But her smile is something I'll never forget

lie to me

Please lie to me for eternity
Please crush my heart and make it bleed
To see you smile through these tears
Is worth the pain of countless years

The last concern on this twisted mind
Is of my peace or of my time
What has worth will shine through
And on that day I'll be with you

promise

Finding peace in tomorrow's promise
A promise rich with sin

Sick with confusion the blind march onward
Leading those who have no will
Cowards fall as hero's triumph
What was yesterday is no more to you

Sing the wicked songs of old
As the walls echo their hollow lies
In the moonlight beasts will howl
Setting fear in your enemies' eyes

angel in the night

If I told her I missed her, would she care?
If I wrote her name in the sky, would she stare?
If I walked for miles to meet her, would she be there?
If I held my hand out to her, would she take it?
If I wanted to pretend, would she smile and fake it?
If I held her close to me, would she love it?

I ride this fine line
With her on my mind
She makes me shine bright
She is my angel in the night

random

Unable to find a path the weary heart wanders
Through a field of uncertainty
Past a place of doubt
Leaving a trail of lost hopes and insecurities
The weary heart wanders

Life is a series of questions with infinite answers
A million wrongs worth a single right
To find a single truth is hypocrisy
No one holds all the answers
Questions with infinite answers

There is a place where all laws cease to function
Within every soul it resides
There can be no final answer
This place needs no reason or purpose
All laws cease to function

awake

awake to reality
through this pain i clearly see
nothing ever really meant anything to me
too much shit to think about being free

ball and chain to my fucking mind
everyday the same bump and grind
nothing ever changes for us
too many lies, not enough trust

step out of my shell for this
dream of a heart felt hug or kiss
just to get hurt and crawl back in
go back to my ways, the same old sin